The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Us as a New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - going on a few days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."